I forgot.........

Hello?

How has it been? .....

Life has not been great to me....not surprising :)

My friend told me,being positive in life makes it easier to live and makes it easier to enjoy life more...

"Before you go out and meet the world,put on a smile because....." She never finish the sentence,I wonder why? She told me that I should figure it out myself because if I had my own reason,it will be more meaningful. Until now,I never could think of anything......

It got me thinking,how come? Don't I ever cared about myself? All this time,I kinda realize that I always think of what others want then tried to do it their way or all the things that I like to do,I rarely do them anymore...is it because I'm bored or just that I'm changing? I could never figure it out....

I find it hard to find something that makes me interested in it,I just got bored easily.....I think it's bad to be like this.I can't focus in anything that I do.....felt like I'm losing things that I should value,things that I've always wanted in my life.Am I losing everything?

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"Those little moment makes me want to stay alive"

Changes...choice or inevitable?

Hello?



How was life? I was too engrossed with mine that I totally forgot I have a blog~


Well,I actually remember about this blog when I was checking my friends blog and that she said what happen to mine...yes,I need people to remind me that I have a freakin BLOG to update....quite sad actually,considering that I am not that old to forget things easily.


I met a lot of different people during this year~it was both entertaining and sad at the same time. I made a lot of friends during this year but I do lose quite a few. When people start to think differently,they just go on their separate ways. People change and so do we. Sometimes I wish I can act childish and ignore the changes that is happening around me,no matter how obvious it is~Stupid right?

Changes makes our life more interesting but what if it does not make our life happier? Do we still have to change? Did changes happen because we want it or because it is inevitable?

I am not saying changes is a bad thing but have you ever hope that things just stay the same? I did~ sometimes when things get too rough,I just wish these changes never did happen. It makes me wonder why I think like this...because I always look forward to it....maybe I just hope too much.

Sometimes,I wish I can change myself. The way people precieve me.....I don't want to say......actually, to tell the truth I don't even know. It's scary sometimes to know what people think about you, when you did not expect them to think that way....When things get worse,you don't even know who to talk to. How sad life could be...making us feel like this. Changes were suppose to be a positive thing,then why can it turn out wrong?.........I guess I should leave it at that~

Someone told me, that I should not cry when things get too tough or never tell a soul about my problem. The reason was if I did, I will also affect the people around me.Is it wrong to think this way? What is being strong anyway? To satnd up and say what our problem is and to share our feelings with other people? Or just handle those problem and feelings on our own? What do we get by sharing and what do we get by not sharing? Or did we lose something? People would say it is better to share...but then will someone willing to listen? Did they listen because they want to or just because they have to? For me, these things does matter. Maybe that is why I never really talk,I would always the one that listen the most~ because when a group of people start talking...who would listen? I chose to listen, because by this, I can see and hear a lot of things.....things that I sometimes want to understand. I guess this is why I prefer not to talk to much sometimes...because people never really listen...

Such a wonderful world we live in but why do we still feel lonely?

Dear Mother~

"Dear Mother,

You let me live within you for nine months,

All those time you suffer greatly,

It makes me wonder,

Don't you ever thought of abandoning me?

Dear Mother,

I admit I was never a good child,

Your advice were never taken,

My lies are your pain,

My words are your shame,

It makes me wonder,

Don't you ever feel those nine months were a waste?

Dear Mother,

Your expression were readable,yet your action were not.

Many don't understand you, even I don't too,

But, never once I tried to make an effort like you do,

It makes me wonder,

Don't you ever hate me the way I am?

Dear Mother,

Sometimes I forgot,you're human

Just like the way I am,

I let those image blur my sight,

Leaving you no choice of freedom,

It makes me wonder,

Am I selfish through your eyes?

Dear Mother,

As I lay in my bed,

Before darkness overshadowed my soul,

I pray to God so He could forgive my sin,

I thought about you,my sin to you,

I never did want to cry,

I could'nt help but wonder,

What am I in your eyes?"

By: Blue Cat

Apparently money do makes the world go round my dear....in my world at least..

What do you think?

Am I right or am I wrong?

Anyway,how are you lovelies? Hope you are enjoying your life!! I 'm pretty sick actually,anyone who saw me surely know how worse I look...(I fucking cough my lungs out every damn minute!!) which is quite irritating actually when I need to study for my exam~

So,what have I been missing these days? oh!! Seriously everyone knows that Dir en Grey new single is going to be relese right?!!

YAY!!!!!!!!! This is their new pics!!

(O_O)...Ok!! enough about that!! >_<~must concentrate!!!

I wonder what to write actually...my life is not really eventful,sometimes I wonder is my life going to be like this forever? Till the day that I die? Sounds kinda sad is'nt it? oh well,if that happen,nothing I could do about it.I definitely not gonna shout to heaven "Why me?!! God!! WHY ?!!" So yeah,that's definitely a no no..

To my friend,sorry I never get the hang of posting new updates~I'll try my best so don't stop checking my post~~to you(You know who you are *winkwink*) thanks for your support!!! I'll never forget it!!!!

So yeah,I suck~~

I know, you don't have to mention the fact that I'm horrible at updating!! I suck hardcore...>.>

Anyway,waht's up with life? Not much if you ask me....well I did have an interesting day to begin with.It started with an uninteresting event...you could say baaaddd....I had a terrible headache( a fucking huge one!!) and I can't stop coughing(each time I had a coughing fit,it felt like my heart is going to jump out of my throat..I swear!!*flails*)

So forget about that,I was pretty piss that my sister seems to be healthy(too healthy for my liking *glares*.Oh,I have a good reason for being angry at her) She was like prancing around the house like crazy and said "You poor Thing' each time her gaze landed at me..(Yes,I want to strangle her..soo bad it hurts) To tell you the truth, it was she who pass this freck'in cold to me.Now I have to suffer because of her.I hate her.

So I did what a normal person would do.I demand my parent to take me to hospital.Yes,you read that right.I DEMAND.I don't ask them because I'm sick and miserable little shit,so give me a break,okay?

During the car ride,I couldn't stop coughing.It was so damn irritating,I just wish I could tore my throat out.I kept scratching my neck every time the fit started.Now my neck has so much red scratch that I look like I'm fucking bleeding.Great.yipee.

I did tell you that I led an interesting day,didn't I? Hohohoh,well it started when I arrived at the hospital(thank god,I thought I was going to die in the car) During the waiting session( the doctor sure took a lot of time) I kept complaining to my mum that I'm hungry,thirsty..you know like any common selfish brat would do .....and I know my mum was irritated,but I kept on going.Yes,I'm a prick.Hehehehe.

So my mum(who was so damn irritated with my unholy mouth) went to away and come back with..ta-daa...a gigantic lollipop!!Holy Shit!! I never know it exist....my mum knows that if I'm sick, I only,ONLY want to eat sweets. Isn't she sweet..XD

Anyway,I shut myself up and started to behave.That is,until I felt bored.My mum and dad went away to chat with another a person who I think is a relative*shrugs* Not that I care~~So I was left alone,I'm no kid so I decided to just be independent for a while.A sick and miserable independent little shit.MUM!! Where are you?!! I'm bored!! Come back here and let me irritate you more...*sniffles*

I was sooo bored,waiting for my name to be called out so I decided to flirt with one of the male nurse there.(OMG!!! Did I just say flirt?!!! kfkjheguihrtgh!!! What the hell is wrong with me?!!!! It must have been that candy!! I swear,it was so gigantic!!) But before I could start with that sinful act,my name was called (Thank You God!! >_<;;;) So,I waltz in to the doctors sick/patients/curing...whatever room it is before I would start those horrendous act of flirting.

In the room,I was like making myself comfortable.Sitting on the not-so-comfortable chair and stare at the doctor's face for about like ..5 minutes? I don't know..it felt long...Maybe the doctor decided to break the silence or he just despise my face ask me what is wrong.So there I was,pouring my heart content to the person who may know the cure to my terrible illness(I know I'm exaggerating...shut up XP) After I finished yapping about,I stare at the doctor for about only-god-knows how long until the doctor decided to tell me how I could cure this terrible cold...the conversation goes like ... errr...

Doctor: So,You have a cold I see

Me:Yeah,So..errr..what? What should I do *insert terrible coughing sounds*

Doctor:It may not be a common cold...it seems,rather sounds different*insert concerned looks*

Me:I knew it!! I so knew it!!! Wait till I told them...errr...*insert really terrible coughing sounds* So could you gave me some kind of a medicine? My throat is killing me...>_<;;;;

Doctor:I'm afraid medicine is not going to help you.What you need is an operation.*insert smiley face*

Me: Wha..?!!! An operation?!!! That's nuts!!!!!

Doctor:Well,you see.From what I"ve observe,your oesophagus...

Me:My oeso...what?!!! I don't understand!!! You know,I learn biology too...I never heard oeso-whatever-that thing is.I don't think I need an operation!!!! >_<;;; NOOOO!!! It must be a mistake!!!

Doctor:Oh well,if you don't want an operation,your sickness is going to infect your other body parts...it may even infect your balls!!! *insert suspence music background*

Me:My ballz!!!(Yes,I spell it with a 'Z'...I know,shut up) WAIT!!! I'm a GIRL!!! I DON'T HAVE BALLZ!!! You're crazy!!!

Doctor:oh! A Girl.Sorry,Didn't know you're one *shurgs*..it may affects your boobs...

Me:...???? What are you talking about?!!!!

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Okay,I lied.I did not go to a hospital today.And I so do not have an illness that could affect my boobs or whatsoever.Also I don't led an interesting life today....I do have a terrible cold and it's killing me.(Blame the cold,that's was the one that made me lie.I swear it's true XD) So,I'm not entirely lying about this whole thing!!! And for the people who knew me...I will not flirt about like that,is's even weirder hearing the word 'flirt' came out of my mouth.I mean,come on...

I'm freckin bored actually.I don't have anything to tell.All I do is stare at the fucking clock and go 'tic-tic-tic-tic'.It's killing me!!!I'm bored~~~ So,forgive this little shit for lying cuz I'm miserable.So,until next time~~~

LET ME BEGIN..

It seems I don't have any idea what to write...eventhough I've been planning on what to write,the words seems to vanish the instant I sat infront of the computer. What shall I write then? I certainly don't want to write the words of agony as my first post...too depressing.


"Before I met you,I've already met someone else..." Sounds awfully familliar? Maybe not,but this is what I've heard from my friends,every single one of them will tell me the story of their romance(ugh!! I couldn't believe I use that word...such a sap -__-;;) and when they are at the edge..one of them seems to use this words to end everything....funny,I tell you.

When people utter such words,I wonder what they mean..don't you? I wanted to know what they had in their mind,to say such things...as if admiting the person who you are going to break off with means nothing to you.Am I wrong? I'm no love experts or have knowledge of such things but the idea of saying it...seems sad..(Why in the hell am I posting this?!! Gah!! Must have been the weather..must have been it)


I did'nt mean to say it was completely wrong,as in you wanted to be truthful to the person who have been with you (SAP! SAP! SAP!!!!) but then again truth hurts & somehow not telling the truth hurts alot as well as vice versa. So we came to the part where we makes decision: tell the truth or not?

This is the part where people start to argue with them self...lies. Most of the people I met wanted to know the truth rather than lies. They even claim that even if it hurts, at least they know the truth...maybe they are right.But some rather not hear the truth,as I say truth hurts and not many people could accept these facts and be strong about it. Also because deep down they already know the truth,so no need to throw in the bad news.It already hurts knowing it in silence,so why want a direct hit? Now I wonder,which is right? Don't you?


"We acknowledge the existence of others,only to deny the existence of ourselves" Nope, you never heard it before..I made it actually...I don't know why it pop out of my head,but it did sound interesting. I wanted to know what your opinion is but then again you may not be interested...oh well...

Oh!! I've wanted to write something about music actually but maybe next time!!! I don't have the mood actually as the cd that I want are not sold here actually.So sue me if your bored (Please don't!!! I dun have the moneyyyyyyyyyyy!!! >___<;;;)

So thanks if you like my post & if you don't..I'type better next time!!